Crossed Wires

***Before I start the post, I just want to say how flattered and humbled I am by all the readers and traffic I've picked up. It's been less than a week and I've got more viewers than I ever imagined. I really do appreciate your support. I am going to try SO VERY HARD to keep a Monday/Thursday posting schedule (You might notice it's probably more of a late Sunday/late Wednesday, but the premise is it'll be there for you on Monday and Thursday). I'll definitely try to keep y'all in the loop though! Once again, thanks for reading and I hope you all have the very best weekend.--Lee***

Mark is such a gentleman, which is weird. I didn’t expect him to be so sweet to me, especially since we met by drinking in a grown over garden. But he is so sweet and attentive. I just don’t get it. How can he be so sweet?

At Surin, he sat across from me in a candlelit booth. Now, don’t get all romantical on me, y’all. All the booths at Surin are candlelit. He studied his menu for a minute then looked up at me and had the cutest, stupidest, totally adorable grin on his face. He giggled to himself. “Thanks for coming out with me. I’m glad I could take you out.”

I nodded, smiling probably just as dumbly. I won’t confirm this for sure as I’d like to save face. “Thanks for asking me. I really appreciate it. It’s a nice break from worrying about school and rush.”

“You’re welcome. So when do y’all start rush? We start on Saturday. But, we aren’t as formal and structured as y’all. I already know where I’m going. You guys blow my mind. All your singing and dancing and no talking and secret dirty rushing.”

I laughed. “You’re pretty astute for someone who hasn’t really even started college yet. Who bid you over the summer?”’

“Well, my sister is Beta Nu rush chair, and my mom is a national council member. I’m pretty much in Beta Nu paradise all day, every day at home. Back to me though,” he winked, “I verbally committed to Theta Gamma over in July. My dad and uncle were Theta’s when they were here.”

As he was talking I was squirming in my chair. His sister was rush chair. His mom was on national council. My aunt sat on national council 3 years earlier and now she’s still an active member at large. She wanted to go back to being an advisor, but didn’t want to interfere with me while I was in the chapter, as she lived in Birmingham and would likely be assigned to the chapter at my school. I kid you not, she made this decision before I even THOUGHT about rush. I was still a junior in high school.

He noticed my tell-tell nervous thumb flicking. When I got worked up over anything, I’d rub my pointer finger over my thumb nail. It made this awful noise, and I honestly hated that I did it, but as we all know habits are hard to break. “What’s wrong, Kathleen?” He looked worried.

I tried to think of ways to bring this up softly, without sounding like I was begging for a bid or even thought I was entitled. “Oh, nothing. I just bet your mom knows my Aunt Mary. She was housing chairwoman a few years back.”

His eyes grew wide. I knew now that he definitely knew about me. I wasn’t thinking highly of myself, but based on the amount of time my female family members put into making sure the members and advisors knew my name, I could only guess. “Oh my gosh! Your Aunt Mary is great! She and my mom hang out sometimes, and they have bunko nights. She drinks like a fish!”

I laughed. That was definitely Aunt Mary. She was always the life of the party. “Yeah.” I smiled. I hoped this was not going to be as awkward as I anticipated moments earlier. “You probably didn’t realize we were related as she carried about 4 last names. I can’t even keep up with which one she has now. She’s had more marriages than Elizabeth Taylor, I think.”

He nodded. “Hey, look. I won’t bring up rush stuff anymore. I’m sure this is awkward for you, as my sister has definitely sent you flowers, and I haven’t even done that... yet.”

I laughed, and really started to loosen up. He was right. His sister had sent me flowers over the summer before “non-contact” began. The flowers were still against rush code, but my mom wasn’t going to turn them in and the girls knew it. For two weeks I got lots of cool stuff. Barons tickets, flowers, and even some Sheri’s Berries. I was in no position to turn down that kind of attention. “Well, you sister gave me chocolate covered strawberries, so you’re really going to have to set up your game.”

He gave a big, hearty laugh. Then our waiter came to take our orders. The rest of dinner was lovely. He didn’t even flinch when the bill came, which is one of my litmus tests. If you look at me longingly when you get the bill, we aren’t meant to be. On a first date, you pay. Afterwards, I’ll be happy to pay. But in this situation, the boy makes the commitment.

He drove me back to campus and as we were about to pull up to my dorm he turned down the radio and looked at me. “I... Umm. Okay, so I guess...”

I gave him a kind look. “Do you want to come up?”

He literally let out a huge breath of air he’d clearly been holding in. “Oh thank God you asked! But look, my roommate is never around, let’s go to my place. I know Candace isn’t your favorite.”

Once we got into his room things got even more awkward than they were in the car. His dorm room looked just like mine. Two dressers, two curio cabinets, two desks, and two beds. Every room had one big closet that had a partition down the middle. I sat on what I assumed to be his roommate’s bed. I rocked my body side to side as he put his wallet on the cabinet and turned on his iPod player.

He sat down on his bed, and patted the spot next to him. I moved beside him and he leaned my head into his chest. He just held me there, rubbing my shoulder and playing with my hair. It was so intimate. I wasn’t used to this kind of affection. It felt so real and sincere. It made my stomach fill with butterflies.

I gently lifted my head up after a few minutes of lying there like that. “Thank you, Mark. I’ve had so much fun.”

I didn’t realize how that sounded like I wanted to leave until he got up and started grabbing his jacket. He kind of awkwardly fumbled around the room. “Oh, okay. Well, I had fun. Here I’ll walk—“

I cut him off by grabbing his arm. “No, come sit back down. Let’s talk.” As I was still holding his arm, he picked me up off his bed and wrapped his hands around my waist. I instinctually put my arms around his neck. The space between us was growing smaller and smaller. I could sell his delicious cologne. He bit his lip nervously. He finally bridged the gap between our lips, and they were touching. It morphed into the sweetest, slowest, most sensual kiss I’d ever had. It wasn’t urgent. It wasn’t forced, but I knew he wanted me. And I wanted him.

He pulled away. “I really like you Kathleen.” He looked sheepish and bashful.

I ran my hand over his soft beard. “Hey, I really like you too, Kid.” As soon as I got the words out, his lips were on mine again. We fell into the bed. He stripped off his shirt, and I raised my arms in wanting submission. He smiled, “Come here, Pretty.”

When he took my shirt off he just stared at me. He eyed me up and down. It was wracking my nerves. Was I fat? Did he think my boobs were too small? Did my mole under my left breast weird him out? I got shy and covered myself with my hands, moving them all over my body, trying to shield myself from his eyes.

His face dropped. His eyes grew sad. “I’m sorry.” He said it so sympathetically. As if he’d just told me my puppy had parvo. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I’d caught him. He didn’t like me, he just wanted to use me. And the worst part? He didn’t even think I was pretty enough to use. He was literally in the room with a half-naked girl and couldn’t make it happen.

I felt like a leper. I wanted to leave as quickly as possible. I knew that I’d cry soon if I didn’t get out soon. “It’s uhhh-I uhhh, okay. I’m going to...” I couldn’t formulate words. I had that throat closing thing that happened when you were about to have big, ugly crocodile tears. I was so embarrassed. This guy who I thought was so sweet clearly did not even think I was pretty. What a blow to my ego!  As I fumbled for my shirt he started pacing. He was mumbling under his breath. “Excuse me?” I asked roughly. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to make snide comments in my presence!

“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have pushed this. I just think you’re so pretty, and I couldn’t keep my hands off you. And that’s my fault. I’m just sorry I screwed this up.” He spit the words out so quickly he barely took a breath.

I balked. I thought he thought I was an ogre! Poor guy thought I was rejecting him. Talk about your crossed wires. “I’m sorry, Mark. I thought you were regretting this, so I was trying to get out of here.”

He walked over to me and hugged me silently for a long time. It was so intimate. He just put my head into his shoulder and rubbed up and down my back, as if to soothe my nerves. “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’ve got some boxer shorts and t-shirt you can wear. I’ll let you rent a movie on the X-box, too. I really screwed this up, so we can watch the most terrible chick-flick if you want. Your call.”