Good Riddance

 Not surprisingly, I had a terrible hangover after my beer pong battle in the community garden. I rolled over in obvious pain when Candace so politely turned on her Iggy Azalea album at some obscene decibel.

"Candace, do you mind turning that down a notch?" I moaned in a raspy voice.

 "Whatever, I'm heading out." She then slammed the door closed.

 I looked around wondering what time it was. I didn't even know what time I got in... I found my phone sitting on my chest of drawers charging. 11:06am. Well, so much for breakfast in the café with Yvonne. I'm sure she wasn't too upset. She had 3 tequila shots before we even started playing beer pong. And she'd run off with some guy named Allen. I'm sure she wasn't missing me.

More shocking than the time was the 3 text messages I had waiting. One from my mom (that wasn't the shocking one, obviously); one from Ree asking about brunch at Another Broken Egg (well, she left at 10:30, so that's out); and one from Mark saying "thanks for taking a chance on a bullshitter."

I smiled stupidly to myself. I first replied to my mom, letting her know that school was going well, and yes I was ready for my classes to begin Wednesday. Oh God, did they really begin in 4 days? Ughhh.

Ree said she understood my hangover and we'd circle up later for dinner and a movie. Some girls had mentioned watching Frozen in the dorm hall's common room. I text her for a bit about the night before and how much it sucked classes were to begin in a mere 4 days.

 Lastly, I got to Mark's text. I didn't know what to do. I was never excellent with boys.

I had a boyfriend for five years. We started "dating" in 7th grade. Kenny was a year ahead of me in school. He was a total home body. It was easy to be with him, because he didn't challenge me. He simply existed. And for five years, I just existed along with him. The only time we ever said I love you was to end an argument. The only time we hugged was at the urging of our friends. We were together out of habit. I thought he was it. I thought he was the love of my life, but looking back, there was no passion. He was easy. He was there. He was constant. I didn't want that anymore.

I sat thinking about Kenny and how we broke up. He left for college last summer, and we tried to make it work while he was in Oxford at Ole Miss. It was just strange. Neither of us felt the need to call the other, and we didn't really try to see each other. In a world where video chats are readily available, I maybe FaceTimed him twice. We simply fell apart.

 I sat in his basement, watching Mob Wives on TV. He was good about letting me watch whatever I wanted. I thought at first he was being so sweet to me, letting me pick the TV show. I later found out that he was usually just playing word games on his phone, and didn't care because he wasn't watching. I looked at him blankly as he was moving his thumbs ferociously against the screen. I thought, "he's never showed that much urgency with me. He never runs to me. He never opens his arms to squeeze me in." I then surveyed our stance. We were literally on total opposite ends of a couch, leaned against the arms. This was the first time we'd seen each other in about 6 weeks. We should have been excited. He was home for Thanksgiving, and we were planning on going to his grandmother's for dinner the next day.

I looked at him blankly. He felt my stare. "Something up, Kathy?" Ugh. I hated being called Kathy. And he knew it.

I sighed. I hung my head. "I don't know."

He then went right back to his game. I knew then. It was already over. It had never started. I might as well stop masquerading.

"Hey, Ken. Can we talk for a sec?" My voice was shakey. He nodded and I continued. "I think I love you. I think you're great. But I think we can also both agree, this isn't working, is it?"

 He seemed confused, but not really upset. "The distance is hard, I guess." He said weakly.

 "No, I mean, look at us. You're way over there. We haven't seen each other in 6 weeks. We haven't had sex in almost 3 months. We aren't even fazed."

 He cocked his head. "You just asked to have a tampon from my sister. I didn't think you'd be in the mood. I'm sorry."

 He thought this was about sex. It wasn't. It was about us. Not wanting to have sex. Or hold hands. Or be affectionate. At all. "No, I mean, thank you. But no. We barely hugged. We didn't make out. We didn't really even kiss. Why are we together?"

 He puffed his chest. He was getting defensive. This was the most emotion I'd brought out in him since... well 3 months ago--even then I think it's safe to say it was marginal. "We're together because we make sense. You're my girlfriend. And you always have been."

 I puffed out a weak "ha!" I sat mouth open for a moment. "So, you not liking change is why we're together? You know what. Let me do you a favor. I'm calling this quits. We both deserve better. I'm not mad. I'm not bitter. I'm not upset. I just want us each to find someone who does more than 'make sense.' We deserve passion. Both of us." I stood up, kissed his cheek, and walked out. He called exactly 4 times over the next 5 weeks. His excuses were weak. And mainly revolved around social functions we'd agreed to go to together, like his family Christmas ski trip and his fraternity semi formal in New Orleans.

 I snapped out of my deep thought when I got a text. Surprisingly another from Mark. "Partner, check your Chem 101 email."


I quickly opened the school's app and clicked Chem 101 course mail. An item read "Lab Partner Assignments."

I opened it, knowing my fate.

"Students,

Please refer to your lab partners listed below. I've paired you alphabetically and am not prone to make changes. I suggest you make friends and stay that way. I make few exceptions.

Howard Applebee & Sarah Bishop
.... none of these are my name
... don't care
... carry on.
Gregory Decatur & Beau Doxie
... some more names that have no baring on me
... wait I think we're getting somewhere
... ooh!
Mark Hart & Kathleen Hoover"

 I responded with "Just you wait, cutie."