Date Averted

Leslie called me Thursday night, “Leeeetllle!” She wailed into the receiver.

“Big!” I responded just as annoyingly. “How’s it going?”

“Just finished studying for my physiology practical in the morning. If I have to touch that damn cat again I’m going to lose it.” She laughed kind of manically. I could tell it was partly true.

I sighed. “What are you going to do when you get your actual cadaver in med school?”

She exhaled loudly into the phone. “I don’t want to think about it. Look, how about you, me, Luke and Mark go out tomorrow night? Mark keeps saying he’s going to mention it to you, but clearly he’s sucked thus far. So I’m taking matters into my own hands.”

I laughed. Mark didn’t have the best follow through sometimes. I could sympathize. “I’d love to. Just text me about time and place. Mark is the pickier of us, and you know what he will and won’t eat.”

After we hung up, I laid in bed and read crappy books. Mark said he was going to come over and spend the night after he finished up at the fraternity house. Since his dad was better and at home, they’d kind of flung him full force back into Pledge Class President stuff. He’d been staying there until 1am or later some nights.

Around 11pm I was getting kind of restless. Hey sweetheart. I’m going to bed. Feel free to come over whenever you’re finished. Love you!

He responded quickly. Headed your way now. Just getting in the car.

About ten minutes later, Mark walked through the door looking exceptionally worn out. “What’s up, buttercup?” I kissed his cheek.

“Long. Night.” was all he offered as he took off his jeans and settled into the bed. He didn’t really seem interested in talking or cuddling. He slid his back to mine. I tried not to think much of it as I dozed off to sleep with his back hitting mine as his breath slowed while drifting off.

The next morning, I woke up to notice he was in the extra (Candace’s old) bed. I had a spare sheet set I put on it after she left to make it look less barren. I couldn’t figure out what his deal was. He was usually so attentive and loving. I started slamming drawers and making commotion around 8am, to be spiteful.

“You mind?” He groggily snipped.

“You can sleep in your own room, you know? If I’m such a bother to be around.”

That woke him up. “Dammit Kathleen. Stop it. I’m tired. Why are you pushing every last button I’ve got?”

“Because ever since Monday you’ve barely spoken to me. I am sick of being treated like a second class citizen. Either start opening up to me or leave.”

He huffed. “That’s ironic coming from you. Look, I’m having a rough week with pledge stuff. You wouldn’t understand. Nor is it really your concern.”

I pulled the top sheet off him, leaving him to shiver almost immediately. “Then please leave.” I pointed to the door, as if he was too dumb to see it.

He put on his jeans and trotted out. When the door closed behind him, I broke down into tears and got right back into bed. Where I stayed until about 3pm. Leslie sent me a text, jolting me out of my Grey’s Anatomy bender.

Hey girl. Mark told me you two were going to have to bail on tonight L Let me know when you want to reschedule.

Sure thing. Thanks, Leslie. Have fun with Luke!

I was kind of numb and fuming at the same time. I was so totally pissed off, but I also just didn’t care. I shot up out of my bed, and marched over to Mark’s dorm room. I knocked incessantly until I heard Mark turning the lock.

He looked awful. His face was sunken; his eyes blood shot, and his breathing short. “Hey,” was really all he could say.

“Mark, what’s going on? Why are you cancelling plans, being mean, and yelling? You look miserable. What’s the deal?”

He sighed as he sat down on his bed, I stood in front of him, refusing to back down. “It’s a lot.”

“Then I’ve got time to listen.”

“Kathleen, I’m really mad at you. I’m mad at you, I’m mad at Theta, I’m mad at Leslie. I’m mad at my parents. I’m just mad. You’ve all betrayed me. You’ve all dumped on me. You’re all treating me like crap.”

“What have we done?” I asked stupidly. I obviously knew what I had done.

“Well, you go sleep with Kenny the first chance you get. Leslie doesn’t talk to me anymore. She treats me like I’m your boyfriend, not her brother. The Thetas are not going to initiate me with the rest of the pledges because I missed too much stuff with my dad. My parents put me in this situation, but I can’t tell my dad his wreck caused all these crappy things for me. But they did. Kathleen, my life was charmed. Dammit, I even made a 75 on a test this week. I’m not with it.” He punched his bed in frustration.

“I wish I could take back what I did. I wish I could take back what happened with your father. I wish I could fix this, but life happens.”

This didn’t help. He only got redder in the face. “No! Stop! Kathleen, please leave. I don’t think we need to be talking now. I might say stuff I regret.”

My heart sank, but I wasn’t going to let this die. “Stuff like what? That you think we’re better off without each other? That you’re not happy anymore?”

He shot me the nastiest look. “Yes, stuff like that. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted? You want me to break up with you to wipe the slate clean? So you can have Kenny? You know what... Go on. I don’t care. I wish I did. I wish I loved you enough for the both of us, but I don’t. Kathleen, you left me the minute my mom cried to you in the cafeteria of the hospital. I saw the switch flip in your eyes. You saw a weak family. A family you couldn’t be a part of. I tried to combat it, by being extra sweet. But that didn’t mean anything to you. You didn’t want it. So, this is me telling you goodbye.”

I cried out, “You don’t mean it!” I was hit with sobs. “You don’t mean what you’re saying. You are stressed out. I love you! You know that! I want this to work! What can I do to prove this to you?”

“Leave me alone.” He was solemn. “They say if you love something you let it go, and if it’s meant to be it’ll come back to you. Let’s hope for everyone’s sake this is the last trip on the merry-go-round for us. Goodbye.” He practically pushed me out the door.

I text Leslie, while tears ran down my face. I don’t think we’ll be making up our dinner plans. Mark and I just broke up