Good distraction

God Bless Uncle Wayne. I know I’ve told y’all before that he is a bit of a yes man. That’s always been the case. Mary wears the pants in their house. It’s just how it is. He’s the sweetest, most pleasant, kindest man. And he found the pushiest, most overbearing, most outgoing woman to marry. Together they make this loveable pair that you can’t help but fawn over. And they created three gorgeous children. They’re really the best.

But, occasionally Uncle Wayne gets to the bottom of the whiskey handle, and we all reap the benefits. The man is like a man possessed when he is drunk. And it’s very rare. But it happens. He is a riot. He will mock Mary’s obsession with Beta. He will make fun of the fact that Ginny can’t keep her hair the same style or color for more than a week. She has an identity crisis, because Mary wouldn’t let her be herself until 23, he says. Ha! However, the real fun started when he went in on Vince, in front of his new lady. Jessa. Poor, beautiful, charmed Jessa. Jessa’s father is a finance director for a large manufacturing plant. Vince does something with oil. And Wayne looked at Vince intently.  “Son, she’s awfully pretty. You’re gonna need a raise to keep her. She’s the kind you have to beg to stay. She’ll find someone better. Someone not as annoying. You better mind your manners on this one!”

Jessa about fell out of her chair. Luckily, she found this whole thing hilarious and endearing. Thank god! My dad was trying to shut Wayne up, by talking football. It didn’t help a bit. He just kept right on. Mary, who was too busy telling me about what she had cooked up for spring recruitment practices, did not seem to mind at all. She was totally oblivious when Wayne went on his tirades. I’m wondering if it is not by design.

After dinner, Vince came over to talk to me, since Fran and Ginny had Jessa cornered. “I wonder what kind of third degree the poor girl is getting over there?” He nodded his head in the girls direction.

“Probably something along the lines of, ‘get out now. He’s nuts. And he is a terrible shot.’” Fran and Ginny always give Vince a hard time because he’s an awful marksman. Most of my family, myself included, is a decent shot. Vince couldn’t hit the wide side of a barn. I don’t care much for guns or hunting, so I don’t mind that he’s not the best shot. But his sisters do not let him live it down.

“Look, I am good looking. I can’t help it I don’t have all the makings for a genetic jackpot.”

I laughed. “We will try to be a little easier on you.”

“So, how’s the semester rounding out? You’re about to start finals, how’s that going?”

I kind of chuckled. “I’ve been spending a lot of time in the library. I hope I’m ready. I’m lucky that I’ve suddenly got a lot of free time to focus.”

He sighed. “Kid, things will get better. You’ll find someone else. Sometimes these things aren’t meant to happen.”

“I suppose. I just wish I could tell him I’m sorry.”

“He knows.” He hugged me. “But, on a more serious note. Fran has this intern. He’s twenty. And Fran and Ginny think he’s attractive. And he may have seen your picture on her desk, and said you were cute.”

I blushed. “No this did not happen!”

“Yes! I was on the phone, on speaker, when he said it. He didn’t realize I was on the line. I laughed and then he got embarrassed and apparently ran out.”

“Someone finding me attractive is funny?”

“Well, you are kind of goofy looking, kid. It’s not like you didn’t already know.” He punched at my shoulder.

After that, Jessa came over and told Vince she was ready for bed. They went up to bed, and Fran and Ginny joined me, as I picked at the cake we’d made.

“So, tell me about this intern who is in love with me.” I laughed at Fran.

“Vince would tell you that! He’s such a guy.”

“I just thought it was a bit offensive that he laughed!”

Ginny looked confused, so Fran filled her in. “Oh my gosh! Fran! Give him her number!”

“You mind?” Fran asked.

“Sure. Why not? I could always use a good distraction.”